While the two of you are feeling good, agree that you will have disagreements and it would be a good idea to have a template for fair fighting — sort of like having a fire drill so that in time of crisis everyone knows what to do. (Do not even think of composing rules while IN a fight.)

The Agreement

1. Agree that you will disagree.
2. Agree that the agreements on disagreements are agreeable AND binding until changed by both of you when in a good space.
3. Write out the rules and and both sign the sheet. Some put it on the fridge.

The Rules of Fair Fighting

1. Clarify: What ARE we arguing about? (Most arguments are solved right here!)
2. Never carry on an argument while driving.
3. Never bring up any disagreeable topics ("heavy" topics) two hours before bedtime.
4. Never go to sleep on a fight. Stay up until resolved.
5. Never name call. (Achieves absolutely nothing good.)
6. Never fight in the dark. (Body language is 80% of communication.)
7. Never use physical harm in a fight.
8. Never compare your partner to another person while in a fight. e.g., "You are just like your Mother!"
9. Call a time out when tempers are too high to be reasonable BUT agree on a specific time when you will argue this out. (See rule #4)
10. After the fight is resolved, fall back in love again.

You WILL break the rules, but when you do break them, acknowledge it, and agree to try harder not to break them next time. Don't be a dumb couple - agree to learn from your mistakes.

Hope this helps you. It has helped many others!

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