Do the holidays get you down? Every year? Does your stomach tighten up and a sense of dread begin to creep over you the closer the holidays get? Perhaps it is even worse such as depression, GI tract issues, headaches, or other stress-related symptoms? Perhaps it is time to stop avoiding it. Perhaps one of the best gifts you could give yourself this year is to begin to do something about it.

I used to have a LOT of problems with the December holiday period. I know exactly where it comes from: My family of origin. It makes me cringe just to revisit those times in my head — still. It is not as bad as it once was, so if you are also suffering there IS hope. Many of my clients had trouble with the holidays. Some of the reasons will surprise you. One client dreaded them because of the family get-togethers and she had an "Uncle Chester the Molester" who she would have to hug at the traditional Thanksgiving and Christmas Dinners — the only time she HAD to be in his presence all year. No one knew but she (and him) what he had done to her as a child.

In some cases, the holidays are a time of a lot of drunkenness and out of control behaviors that scare little kids. They see their "universe handlers" acting berserk and it shakes up their feelings of security.

In some families there are a lot of arguments over family visits, money, gift-giving, and fighting over whose parents we will spend the big special day(s) with. Sometimes a kid's parents fight over these and other things.

Some families (this is my case) it was so much pressure. Pressure to do things just right, spend money we did not have, try to please everyone, and the windup to Christmas morning was excruciating. Some could say it was excitement, but not in my house. It was like trying to squeeze through a small crack, and doubting you would make it but the 25th was coming no matter what. I need not go into detail because the particulars are different for everyone.

Sometimes there is a lot of traveling, living with other people, putting up with relatives, doing and saying the right thing and then church! A lot of heavy ticket items coming down in good ol' December.

So, if you have trouble at this time, you have my sympathy. Some of the things below have helped people.

1. Remember, it passes;
2. Make sure you spend some time with people you cherish;
3. Share your feelings with a friend;
4. Create your own holiday traditions if you don't like the ones you have;
5. Refuse to use credit cards to buy gifts you will resent paying off later;
6. List things to do for fun, and do them;
7. Look for ways to laugh;
8. Renew your spiritual self;
9. Exercise; and
10. Rather than running and ducking from the holidays, make a list of things that bug you about the holidays and then, one by one, DO SOMETHING about each one. No matter how small, DO SOMETHING. You can always journal, pray, meditate or shift contexts - that doesn't cost a cent and no one has to know. The reason for #10 is to get back in control of YOUR holiday life. Even a little bit helps because it proves it is possible to DO SOMETHING about whatever is haunting you.

Happy Holydays, Holidaze, Holly Days!!!

Dr. Zest

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