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I. Old Recordings
We were born small. Everyone was bigger, had more experience, and knew everything. That's the way it seemed anyway. We took it all in as if it were Gospel, which was a smart thing to do considering the size of those people!
Yep, we had all these racks of blank recordings in our little heads just waiting to be filled up, and everybody sure seemed eager to do that. They probably just wanted to help us out — who knows? — but they could only program us with what they had on the recordings in their heads, right?
We trusted those authority figures then, but some of those recordings are just not helping us today, and may even be limiting or possibly destructive. So it's time to realize that: Although up until now our past programming has determined our choices, there's no reason why new choices can't determine our future programming!
To do this, first let's look at the recordings you have:
- Consider the following list of the authority figures from your childhood who may have made negative recordings in your head.
- Cross out any that do not apply to you.
- Add any that are missing.
My Personal Recording-Makers
- mother
- father
- grandparents
- older siblings
- relatives
- peers
- preachers
- teachers
- your culture
- doctors
- dentists
- nurses
- counselors
- coaches
- priests
- nuns
- mentors
- media
- heroes
- babysitters
- spouses
- abusers
- bullies
- neighborhood & neighbors
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- Next to each active name write out the message(s) that person made/recorded in your mind and place quotation marks around it. (Breathe nice and circularly while you do this.) Examples: Dad: "You'll never amount to anything!" Mom: "You never were very graceful." (Use extra paper if needed.)
- Now challenge the current validity of each recording while considering the recorders as you know them today. Ask yourself, "Don't I know more now about myself than they did then?"
- Rewrite the recordings with the truth, as you need it written to help you recover and deal optimally with your stressors today. Why not be your own message-maker?
Examples of Counteracting Recordings
Negative Dad message: "You'll never amount to anything!"
Positive remake: "I amount to a great deal!" Negative Mom message: "You never were very graceful."
Positive remake: "I'm as graceful as I care to be."
Take your time and do this thoroughly. It is well worth the effort. Don't be surprised by all the insight and emotion this process creates. Just breathe and relax and stick with it. If it takes you some time to do this, fine. But please do not go on in the book until you have completed this exercise. I promise you that you will never look back and say, "That was a total waste of my time!"
II. Recontextualizing
Life is full of things, people, and events. Some are high up on our list of favorites, and some are not. This is, of course, what makes life exciting as well as frustrating. The ones that we deem low on our list of preferences do add variety, but the drawback is that not everybody or everything agrees with us like we want them to do!
Think of it as if each person has two holsters on their hips: One is filled with +'s (make-rights) and the other is filled with -'s (make-wrongs). As we experience things, people, and events, we habitually assign each of them a value. We rather righteously stick +'s and -'s on everything as if it were the absolute truth. The real truth is that we can choose to put +'s where we usually place -'s if we want to.
Exercise: Recontextualize a flat tire so that it's not a "make-wrong":
Examples:
- "I wonder how fast I can change it?"
- "This will give me a chance to go back to bed."
- "This will give me a chance to accept help."
- "Now I can learn to empathize with all the people with similar circumstances."
- "Well, it is only flat on one side!"
- "Thank goodness, a chance to practice recontextualizing!"
Recontextualizing does not mean you give up your right to change something, it just means you now have a choice to either accept it the way it is or enjoy it while changing it a lot more than if you were hating it.
Some think that the way to motivate oneself to change things is to angrily kick yourself in the rear end. Wrong. Anger creates resistance, and resistance actually creates persistence — just the opposite of what you want to happen! What I am saying is that it is much easier to change something if you accept it than if you reject it. You will understand this better when you get to the section on Primary Domino Thinking.
Think seriously about actively recontextualizing. It has great implications for enjoying everything more — for seeing problems as a challenge, rather than something to anticipate with dread. Just practice it for a few days until you get the hang of it, and you will see what I mean.
List some things and deliberately change their contexts such that they trouble you no more.
III. Affirmations
Affirmations are positive thoughts that can be written, read and/or spoken. Why bother? The purpose of "doing affirmations" is to replace negative, self-abusive, stress-producing thoughts with positive self-enhancing ones. Since all behaviors begin with thoughts it appears to be a good investment to establish the roots of behavior as ones that are healthy and enjoyable.
[Note: Affirmations themselves can be utilized as a separate stress-reduction device. They are simple to do, and they do work. But if you want to crank up the power, first learn how to do affirmations well, and then incorporate them into the Primary Domino Thinking section that will be in a later part of the series. The two combined form a naturally powerful alliance for you.]
Adults often carry from childhood an abundance of negative thoughts concerning self-esteem, the habit of co-dependence, personal ability to succeed, the need for abuse, etc. If trying to undo old self-limiting programming, I suggest that you generate a list of your personal negative, limiting thoughts and then, by writing the contradictory positive counteracting statement, you have created an affirmation automatically! Let's say that again, it is that important: Generate a list of your personal negative, limiting thought, and then, by writing the contradictory positive counteracting statement, you have created an affirmation automatically!
Some additional affirmations are suggested after the guidelines that follow. Please adhere to the following section for maximum benefit.
Sample Affirmations
Following is a variety of sample affirmations that may be helpful. There are some that may fit your work situation, others that focus on your personal life, and many may overlap both. If some of these affirmations fit your personal needs, please use them, but be sure to rewrite them if necessary so they sound like you talking to you.
- I like and respect myself. I know I am a worthy, capable, and valuable person.
- I enjoy my life, my profession, and my relationships with other people.
- I have pride in my performance and a positive expectancy of the future.
- I am very effective and efficient, especially in stressful situations.
- I guide my own destiny and I am accountable for the results of my decisions and actions.
- I am very firm, decisive, and self-confident.
- I have an excellent free-flowing memory with clear and easy recall.
- I am well organized, and I vividly and explicitly know my plan of action.
- I am fair and just in dealing with people.
- I enjoy taking calculated risks to improve my life.
- I show concern for others' feelings.
- I develop feelings of self-respect and esteem in others.
- I am an action person; I do first things first and one thing at a time.
Take some time to work on specific affirmations for yourself. Remember: An affirmation is simply a one sentence definition of a quality, a characteristic, a habit, or a material goal you strongly desire to become a reality in your life.
Writing Affirmations That Work
The easiest way to write an affirmation is to select the change you want in your life, then clearly picture in your mind how you would act with that new pattern of behavior in your life. Next, write down a vivid description of your picture in one sentence. There's your affirmation! Be sure to include your senses: how it feels, what you see, how it sounds; and put the description in your own words and style, so that it sounds just like you.
Guidelines for Writing Affirmations
Here are some guidelines for making positive, present tense, written affirmations:
- Personal: You can only affirm for yourself. Do not try to affirm qualities or changes in other people to correct or alter situations you cannot control. In writing your affirmations, you are changing your "regulator" (your self-image) through personal positive statements. In most cases your affirmation should be an "I" statement.
- Positive: Write out your affirmations in a positive sentence structure. Do not describe what you are trying to move away from or eliminate; rather, describe what you wish to move toward, or incorporate into your life.
- Present tense: Write your affirmations in the present tense. The reason present tense is used in designing affirmations is that this — the present moment — is the only time frame in which the subconscious operates.
- ndicate achievement: Do not indicate the ability, "I can," in your affirmation, because this will not produce change. You already have the ability. What you must indicate concretely is actual achievement. Begin statements with "I am" and "I have."
- Action words: Describe the activity you are affirming in terms that create pictures of you performing in an easy and anxiety-free manner. Your subconscious actions should be described by statements that start with: "I easily?" "I quickly?" "I enjoy?" "I love to?" "I thrive on?" and "I show?".
- Emotional charging: Try to put as much excitement in the wording of your affirmations as you can by vividly stating your behavior in colorful terms. Words that spark an emotional picture in your subconscious mind help to make the experiencing of your affirmation more believable and attractive.
- Accuracy: It is important for you to affirm only as high as you can honestly imagine yourself becoming or performing at this time. The rule of thumb is to not overshoot or undershoot. Try to have a clear and vivid picture of the end result you want to accomplish.
- Balance: A vital aspect of the process is that all of your affirmations (goals) should fit together in a consistent manner. Try not to be affirming in inconsistent directions. Balance is the key. Look at growth in all areas of your life rather than just one or two.
- Realistic: In writing out your affirmations, do not try to affirm perfection. Your investment is not in perfection, but in excellence.
- Keep it to yourself: Your personal affirmations should be private. Others may constantly try to remind you of the old self image picture you thought was true. SAD WARNING: Without really meaning to hold you back, people around you may become upset when you start changing and growing.
Imprinting
Imprinting is the action step needed to impress your goal on the subconscious. It is simply a three-step process of reading, picturing, and feeling.
- Words: Read the words of your affirmation, several times each day. There is nothing magic in reading the words other than to have a consistent trigger. The best times to read and imprint your affirmations are generally early in the morning or anytime during the day when a relaxed time is available.
- Pictures: As you read your affirmation, you should be vividly picturing and experiencing yourself clearly having accomplished the change you want or the end result you intend to create. Through this experimental visualization, you are displacing old self-images with new pictures of how you want to feel and act. Remember, you are practicing and experiencing the change consciously to begin with, but through imprinting you are turning your expectations over to the subconscious mind. Very quickly you will begin moving easily and naturally to your new performance reality.
- Feelings: Feeling the emotion you want is important for increasing impact. Gather up the feelings based on your five senses that you know will accompany the goal at the moment of accomplishment. Enjoy them in vivid detail each time you imprint your affirmation. The affirmation will affect your system in a positive way in direct proportion to the frequency you use vividness and emotional involvement.
Generally speaking the imprinting of your affirmation can be broken down this way:
- Just reading an affirmation: 10% impact
- Reading and picturing: 55% impact
- Reading, picturing, and feeling: 100% impact
Imprinting through visualizing the right picture with emotion accelerates the change process dramatically.
Your purpose in using affirmations is to overlay the current images in your subconscious with a predetermined outcome in the form of new images and emotions. For example, in weight loss: you are changing the picture regulator of how you look, or how much you should weigh. Once you have programmed in the new picture, you cannot tolerate the old, and your creative subconscious helps you reach the new picture. It may be through dieting, exercise, changing habits, or some combination of actions. [A very detailed high-powered form of personal sculpting, or deliberate self-design, is found in the book Primary Domino Thinking — Creating the Life You Want.]
Remember, folks, reading this article won't do much good. You have to apply it. If you don't use it you lose it!
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