Glossary
- Stressor:
- Anything that strongly urges or demands that you change.
- Stress:
- YOUR reaction to a stressor — internal or external.
- Problem:
- A gap. The difference between where you are and where you should/could be.
- Dilemma:
- An unsolvable problem.
- NOMB:
- (pronounced like "Bomb") None Of My Business
Primary Domino Thinking — Step One: Passionate Possession
FIRST: Go take Doctor Zest's Stress Test, and then return here when you're done.
Most people's number one strategy for dealing with stress is to run like hell. It's a natural response, you know. Probably our soft-bodied species survived so well because it could run faster than those with a hard carapace. And this is all well and good if you are facing physical danger: Run, run, run away and live to play another day.
BUT, most of our stress is hardly physical endangerment. It's more like frustration, anxiety, and tension which, interestingly enough, our mind today reacts to as if it we truly were in danger of being severely damaged or even dying. Running away from mental issues as opposed to physical issues is not as easy — if it's even possible. Why? Because we carry them with us! Physical dangers are outside of us, but frustration, anxiety and tension are inside jobs. Running from these makes us look like cartoon characters running from our shadows. Stop this. We must start doing exactly the opposite. Start taking ownership, by taking 100% responsibility for your stressors right now whether or not you believe it will work.
Responsibility.
Most people don't like the word responsibility because as children we never heard it said with a smile. Responsibility was always toned as burdensome or laborious. Our poor ancestors carried around that false puritanical thinking, and even felt they were handing us a gift with the attitude: "Suffer big loads of responsibility and someday you will be rewarded." Maybe that half-truth worked well enough to keep them going, but not without a lot of wear and tear, as you probably observed. The part of the half-truth that is true is that responsibility is good; the part of the half-truth that is not true is that responsibility should be a burden.
Responsibility is the key to liberation.
One is obviously powerless to change things peacefully without being responsible for them in the first place. If I don't want to be on the Buildings and Grounds Committee, then I forfeit my opportunity to decide where the new shrubbery will be placed. If I want to be able to do something about my anger, then it is in my best interest to own my anger. If I am uncomfortable with my child's behavior, it is smart to mentally acknowledge my part in co-creating the situation.
Responsibility is an investment. To take responsibility for everything that happens in your life is an investment in you. Taking responsibility does not mean we are unable to hold others accountable for their behaviors. It does mean we definitely hold ourselves accountable for what we do with our life here and now, i.e. if somebody drops a hot potato in your lap, your first "response-ability" should be to take care of yourself. If, for example, you suffer an injury caused by another person's carelessness, it is in your best interests to concentrate on what you are going to do with yourself now, rather than concentrating on self-pity or repetitive fantasies of retaliation.
At any moment in time you are either responsible for yourself or you are a victim — it is always your choice.
Again, you have no control over modifying that for which you are not responsible. Having no responsibility over a situation is akin to being a victim in that particular situation. This book is mostly concerned with your internal state from which all things flow (or don't flow) for you. When speaking of responsibility know that it begins within, even if the observable results of responsible behavior are seen without.
Responsibility begins with thought. So, let's have a new thinking about responsibility. No matter who or what you have been blaming for your condition, your problems, your emotions, your whatever up until now, rest assured that it is in your best interest to believe the following from now on:
I love everything about being responsible for everything I experience — or refrain from experiencing!
It is important to memorize this statement and think it to yourself 20 times a day no matter how much you currently dispute it. After a few days (or less if you are a fast learner), when you see the truth and power of this thought, you will have a wonderful experience of empowerment. You won't need to repeat it anymore because you will know it to be true. Wonderful things will begin happening in your life the day you KNOW this truth.
If after a few days you still have trouble accepting it by just thinking about it, write it out ten times a day. When you "get it" you will automatically smile or laugh. Just this realization about responsibility alone is worth a fortune. Without this realization, I assure you that very few vital wonderful things are going to happen in life by your design.
Application
This is a condensed article of material. Sometimes one sentence here could be a paragraph or a chapter in another publication. My point? Look for significance here — not judging it by complexity or length of description, or what appear to be big words.
Assignment
If you really want to get to know the Primary Domino Thinking process well and make it work for you, perhaps doing an ongoing exercise as we do each of the Five Steps would help. So, with that in mind, take a problem you have been having. Something recurring. Something that has "bugged you" like a mosquito you cannot find to kill... but it keeps showing up in your ear or in front of your eyes... a problem like that. Write it down. Yes, I will wait: YOU MUST WRITE IT DOWN. "I have a problem with _______." Now, after you have written it down, I want you to say. "This problem is mine. All mine." Whether you mean it or not. Whether you believe it or not. If you KNOW it is your kids' fault or your spouse's fault, go ahead and say the problem: "I have a problem with _______, and it is MINE, all MINE."
There. You have just taken the first step of Primary Domino Thinking! You know how few even get this far? You are on your way to solving this problem (even if you do not think it is yours).
[A partner and I used to travel the country doing a weekend workshop at Holiday Inns. It was titled Birth, Death, and Other Minor Annoyances. We laughed a lot at these. A LOT! I would put the challenge in the paper, or in any mailings and emails: "I can solve any problem you have! Guaranteed, or your money back!" I was never stumped. Thousands of people over the years in workshops, seminars, trainings and classrooms, and no one could ever come up with a (personal) problem that could not be solved. I did have a caveat: You had to be willing to do what I said. And I would not ask you to do anything illegal or harmful... all doable requests. I now make the same guarantee to you.]
See? I told you this would be exciting!
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