Humor
Let's kick this chapter off with an appropriate story:
One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.
About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family.
"You aren't going to catch many fish that way," said the businessman to the fisherman, "you should be working rather than lying on the beach!"
The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, "And what will my reward be?"
"Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!" was the businessman's answer.
"And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman, still smiling.
The businessman replied, "You will make money and you'll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!"
"And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman again.
The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman's questions. "You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!" he said.
"And then what will my reward be?" repeated the fisherman.
The businessman was getting angry. "Don't you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!"
Once again the fisherman asked, "And then what will my reward be?"
The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, "Don't you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, fishing, and looking at the sunset. You won't have a care in the world!"
The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, "And what do you think I'm doing right now?"
Humor Takes Us Away
I have a comedy channel with my cable television subscription. I enjoy the ingenuity of some of the comedians and the laughs, too, but I also enjoy the candid shots of the audience as they get lost in watching the comedian do his/her shtick. The carefree look of eagerness and anticipation on all those adult faces is just so sweet. For a while they have forgotten their cares and the assumed need to have broad shoulders and are just swept away in having a good time.
Their faces have that bright-eyed shiny youthful look, just like my boys did when they were little and I would first see them bouncing around in their cribs in the morning. Yes, their diapers were full, but they forgot all that when they saw me and knew I would take them away from the confines of their beds into a bountiful, exciting, limitless new day full of experience. This is the metaphor for humor.
Humor Is Surprise
If you think about "jokes" — only one form of humor — then you will see in them the element of surprise clearly. An example:
A fellow walks into a pub and orders a beer from the bartender. There is only one other guy sitting at the far end of the bar, and he slides down next to the new fellow and says,
"Hey, I couldn't help noticing your accent, friend, where ya from?"
The fellow looks at him and responds, "Ireland, born and raised."
"Hey!" the guy exclaims, "Me, too! Let's drink a beer to Ireland."
So they do.
The first fellow looks over and says, "What part of the dear country, were you born to?"
"Dublin, my friend, the greatest city in the world!"
"Me, too!" the first guy whoops, "let's drink another to dear old Dublin."
So they do.
A little later the second guy asks, "So, where did ya graduate, if ya did?"
"Course I graduated," the second guy counters, "from me dear alma mater, St. Mary's!"
"Well, I'll be!" says the second guy, "me, too! Let's drink another to dear ol' St. Mary's."
So they do.
"So," says the first guy, "What year did ya leave the hallowed halls of grand ol' St. Mary's?"
"1962," replies the second guy.
"Well, unbelievable!" says the first guy wiping a tear from his eye, "me, too! Imagine that! We must have another beer to the greatest class ever graduated from dear ol' St. Mary's, the class of '62!"
So, they do.
About this time another guy comes into the bar sits down and orders a beer.
"Well, what's going on?" he says to the bartender.
"Not much," the bartender replies nodding in the two fellows' direction, "except the O'Malley twins appear to be tying one on again."
It is easy to see the element of surprise at work here. If I had started the joke saying, "One of the O'Malley twins walks into a bar where the other one sits... " there's no humor!
Humor Breaks the Ordinary
Life without humor, like people without humor, is tedious and routine to say the least. Humor is a great temporary stress reliever because it "takes you away" from the tedious and routine, two soul-deadening stressors.
I do want to reemphasize the serious point that humor is usually to be regarded as a temporary aid, and not a cure, for ongoing stress. For example, as illustrated so well in the sitcom M*A*S*H, humor in the midst of the insanity of war and the intense stress of performing surgery under combat conditions helped alleviate the pressure of the moment, but it did not stop the war.
Humor May Aid in Denial
Humor can even be used destructively, as a means of denying that what one really needs to do is make a change and to stop merely joking around about it. But, if that is all you have available to you until you can come up with a more proactive strategy, then know this:
This is why I strongly suggest to people to own some joke books, or "fun readers." If Calvin & Hobbes compilations lift your spirits, or 1001 Stupid Slogans & Bumper Stickers gives you a giggle, then have them around.
Humor as Therapy
Many have heard of Norman Cousins therapeutic work with humor, started when he himself overcame a paralyzing and painful disease of the connective tissues — supposedly incurable. Norman rented dozens of comedic films and watched them every day until he was ill no more. His self-experiment not only caused his illness to go into remission, but helped create a very helpful and prolific modern health field known as psychoneuroimmunology, studying the relationship of mind-body interactions upon personal health. In his book, Head First — The Biology of Hope, Cousins states:
"In view of what is now known about the role of endorphins [released by the brain during laughter] not only as a painkiller but as a stimulant to the immune system, the biological value of laugher takes on scientific validity." [Cousins, pg. 145]
Today we know that the brain is the source of a major apothecary to the rest of the body, and laughter writes the prescription for many naturally self-produced miracle drugs that offer hope and healing.
Humor as Romance
Not only is humor about surprise, but so is surprise the better part of romance. This is why — a big secret revealed here, fellows — appropriate humor is one major requirement in successful pick-up lines! This is also why cards and flowers for no reason are more special than flowers and cards on special occasions. If you want to keep your intimate relationships special, care enough to pleasantly surprise.
A major point to be made here is that humor is not just jokes and one-liners, but can be a way of romancing life. Romance (different from "passion") is light-hearted and always has a bit of anticipation, delight, and/or other corollaries of surprise. I think the person who invented Post-It Notes should have gotten some kind of award. What a wonderful way to romance someone and/or lighten their day by slipping little messages unexpectedly onto people's mirrors, work stations, pillows, or in their suitcase, brief case, or lunch box.
Humor can be a friendly way of saying I care about you enough to take the time and energy to plan a way to put a smile on your face without warning. That is very romantic.
Humor Can Be Risky
I have been known to have the annoying habit of seeing humor in things that others are taking very seriously. There is something quite humorous to me when a group of PhD's, meeting as an ad hoc college faculty Wellness Committee, spend hours debating about how expensive a future flower arrangement for a colleague's potentially dead aunt should be in comparison with a potentially dead grandmother, or a potentially dead spouse. My humorous take on the matter was incorrectly seen as unappreciative of people's arduous efforts (not true, not true, I still defensively maintain!). But I bet you see the humor in turning, what should be a natural outpouring of compassion, into a Sliding Scale Sympathy Index, don't you?
The risk in humor is because the very nature of surprise postulates that one cannot know the outcome. Some of the funniest things I have said were not funny in other places with other people — but I took the risk because it's worth it. If no one is willing to take the risk in lightening up someone else's day, our whole social world is going to turn into concrete. Dare to be funny, light-hearted, romantic, and surprising.
Because humor originates as something mental that then bridges into feelings, what could be better than this chapter as a segue into the confusing, mysterious, and sometimes scary world of emotions and stress?
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