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How to Prioritize
Now that you have a mission statement (you do, don't you?), prioritizing is much easier. When you must decide what to do with your time, money, energy, or other resources, ask yourself, "Does this align itself with my mission?" If the answer is "Yes!" then jump in, or at least put it on top of your list for future pouncing upon. If the answer is "No!" then either put in no resources, or as little as you can get by with. (Nothing is wrong with minimizing effort — it's called economy.) If the answer is, "I don't know" then you need to get more information before making a decision to find out which pile it belongs in.
How to Prioritize People
Yep, you really must learn how to prioritize the time you spend with people! Unfortunately, most stressors are caused by those representatives of the human race called "people." If you don't believe me look at the stress test in the Appendix and you'll see that 8 of the top 10 stressors are because of relationships. And for the life of me, I am still mystified why so many of us feel obligated to put up with those people who stress us on a regular basis. I have yet to see many rewards given for social martyrdom so I guess it must be a bad habit!
I promised you I would cut to the chase on a lot of these issues, so here goes: People are divided into two piles:
- Those you will associate with; and,
- Those you will not associate with.
For example, there are people in Hong Kong you will never even see much less meet, right? There are people in your country, state, or even town that you will never meet. There are people you never met who are dead as well, right? There are tons and tons of people you have never met, can't meet, and will never meet. Do you feel guilty about that? Of course not.
So what is the big deal about deliberately placing people in those piles? If someone is really obnoxious, irritating, or denigrates you in any way, you can even tell them to their face with no explanation, "Hey, Buster, you know what? You just went into the other pile!" Then turn on your heel, walk away and never look back!
If these "other pile" occupants are in your family or you have to work with them and there seems to be no way to negotiate a more pleasant relationship, minimize not only your physical association with them as much as possible, but don't argue or talk with them, talk about them, or even think about them any more than you absolutely must. Take charge of those who are attempting to walk through your head wearing muddy boots!
Make a list of muddy boot wearers that you need to start taking action with.
How to Prioritize Energy with Things That Deplete You
Learn how to pick your fights!
Is the experience I am facing at this moment that important to continue engaging in it? Is this argument, decision, conversation, problem, event, experience, etc., conducive to my wealth ("wealth" is anything that promotes growth, development, health or happiness — and that includes $$$!) or not? Yes or No? If it is, continue. If not, disengage as quickly and courteously as possible and get on to something that does. [Boy, is this prioritizing stuff simple or what?]
Okay, sometimes it's a little tougher than this, and that's almost always caused by one of the following issues. I'll supply some formulated responses.
Problems with Prioritizing Attention
Issue #1: Confusion
Perhaps at this particular moment you cannot decide if this argument, decision, conversation, problem, event, experience, etc., is going to be conducive to your wealth or not. Perhaps the issue appears too complex, or issues are too hazy.
Response: Hang in there with an open and inquisitive mind with the strict purpose of gathering more information until you can make a decision. Issue #2: Obligation
You have made a commitment to engage in this particular work, family, etc., activity, and now things no longer seem that beneficial to your wealth (growth, development, health or happiness).
Response: Renegotiate the terms of your engagement as soon as is feasible. Inform people that your needs are not being met or that the situation is counterproductive for you and new terms need to be drawn up. If renegotiation is not possible, and/or other participants are unwilling, hang in there long enough to fulfill your sense of obligation, but start looking around actively for new opportunities. Issue #3: Painful Consequences
Are you in a place where you will be made to suffer if you decide to go with your top priorities?
Are you stuck, hemmed in, prevented, or even threatened from exercising your top priorities?
Response: This is a dangerous situation, and you need to begin seeking alternative routes right away. Just by starting to look for a way out is a major stress reliever, because at least you are doing something proactively rather than just settling for endurance as a strategy. Maybe you need help? In most communities you are at best only two phone calls from support or protection. For right now your top priority should be yourself. If you aren't safe, healthy, or free, what good are you to anyone? Don't hesitate, Okay? Issue #4: Lack of Stamina
A common problem in determining priorities is even the lack of stamina to do so. Some people are, as my Grandma from Mobile used to say, "Plum wore out." Being "wore out" can be from several causes, most notably fatigue and/or depression. If you are chronically too limp, depleted, wrung out, or whatever, do I have good news for you!
Response: This is a serious condition. You must now give yourself top priority for renewing your energy supply. There are two paths:
1. You must get away for a while to restore your energy. I am talking about going somewhere alone and remaining very unbusy for at least two days if not more. Most everyone can claim two days for him or herself if they really want to. If you are "wore out" you really don't have a choice but to do this. Otherwise you are killing yourself, and, fortunately for you, that goes against the theme of this book, and your and my partnership!
I have recommended this to people often and they have made arrangements for having their work/ kids/pets/house/etc., taken care of and gone to a cabin, a friend's vacant home, a retreat center, or even checked into a motel for two nights (one night is not enough!). Stay away from television, telephones, people, shopping, etc., and just have some quiet time to sleep, reflect, write, meditate, pray, rest, and recuperate. Not one person has ever come back from one of these and said, "What a crappy idea that was!" Quite the contrary, it has worked miracles. Give yourself this gift if you're "Plum wore out." You will return with a much clearer picture of your priorities and the energy to engage them. Promise. 2. If you are chronically depressed (you have felt helpless and hopeless without let-up for 6 months or longer) get professional help. Call today. Getting counseling does not mean you are insane. This is an old and very inaccurate stereotype. Listen to me: Sane people get help when they are hurting. Ask around for a good counselor, preferably one experienced with depression. Usually word is out on who is effective and who is just a pill-pusher or a jerk.
Continue...
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